Hardly annuals

Organisations love annual reviews.
At least the larger ones do. 
Or performance development reviews.
Or personal performance development reviews.
Or 'let's just get this over with quickly shall we, you don't want to be reviewed and I don't want to do it.'


I've been reviewed by the good, the bad and the downright incompetent. Sadly the latter seems to predominate. I recall one, carried out by my then Italian line manager, that took all of 5 minutes. And that was him doing most of the talking and taking phone calls on his mobile as we undertook the review. I met him again in the Italian HQ later that year. I recall him proudly showing me the room where the personal reviews were stored, next to each country's annual sales plan with one that I'd worked on for weeks.
'What happens to them now?' I asked.
'Nothing' he replied, 'we never look at them again.'


I've tried to use them, the reviews, despite the deep underlying distrust and scepticism of my team, as a genuine opportunity to talk about performance, objectives, barriers and hurdles to progress. Always hoping, of course, they don't say 'Well it's you that's holding us back, you are the manager from hell.' So far no one has said that.


I know about SMART objectives, open questions, staying silent to allow the team member to talk, making sure the office is quiet and uninterrupted. And still it's like rabbits caught in the headlights. Here we have, I explain, a risk free environment where we can openly discuss your performance and what you'd like to achieve in the next 12 months. And they can't wait to get out of the room. Am I that scary? 


Just to underline the importance of performance monitoring I also ask for quarterly chats so the annual review doesn't become a surprise fest of I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING FOR 12 MONTHS AND I CANT' TAKE IT ANYMORE I AM GOING TO HR SUFFERING FROM STRESS. And that's just me talking.


I've undertaken 22 annual reviews this year. I've done them all myself, prepared the paperwork, had the discussions, set objectives and so on. All on time, all signed, all lined up neatly on a shelf never to be looked at again. 


Now it's mine turn tomorrow.


I have two line managers. Yes indeed this is higher education not the hard pressed public sector. They can afford two or can't decide on one. I don't know, no one tells me anything.
Or I'm that scary.
 I wasn't set any annual objectives over 15 months ago. I pointed out to my then line manager that I hadn't got any, that my workload was falling and...silence. And then she left the business. So this will be an interesting discussion. Being HE it is not mandatory to have an annual review so i did think about declining the very process I have carried out. Ironic really. I have pointed this out and suggested a 'talk about the job role' instead. This was gratefully accepted. Clearly their groundwork is not so well developed as mine. I should video this for YouTube - man commits career suicide on camera as he reveals that he hasn't got very much to do. Imagine, if you will, the final scene of 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.' Glorious, heroic but doomed. And faintly foolish.


However I can't take this anymore. Day after day of boredom so crushing it's making me stressed and affecting my moods. It takes me several hours each day to detox from the boredom. So, tomorrow, they will need two for the review.
And I will be scary.