The Unicorn snorted softly and raised it's head from the grass it was grazing on, it's head swiveling around trying to locate the source of the sound it had just heard.
'That's amazing, so beautiful' she said, so softly I could barely make it out.
We lay there, so still in the bushes overlooking the glade where the Unicorn stood
'I know, I wanted you to see that, to share it with you.
Anyway off to Tescos now before it gets busy?'
I've come back to work after a week's break. As an opening line that was never going to attract anyone's attention hence the alternative.
Anyway, refreshed and largely detoxed, here I am again. I like to get into work at 7.30am. I'd like to leave at 8am but I think it might be noticed. Actually it probably wouldn't.
So what do we have?
We have 12 emails as a backlog.
12.
I used to get 100 to 150 a day four years ago
Now 12. In one week.
It took me, oh, all of 20 minutes to deal with them.
7.50 and I'm done. And that's pretty much it for the day. Check with the team, but they are not busy either, make a coffee and then check the web. All day.
Now I have a strong protestant work ethic. I come to work, I want to work, I want to contribute. I'd like to go home at the end of the day (actually 4pm) without my brain being numb with boredom. How can you do that when there isn't actually anything you can do?
I work (still makes me smile that 'I work') in Higher Education. They do things differently here. For example the perks, the coffee break.
Every day filter coffee, a selection of teas and biscuits are served in the coffee lounge where you can also read the daily papers, the qualities and the Daily Telegraph. Want to take longer than 30 minutes? No problem, no one will mention it. If, for some reason, fresh coffee is not available then it's free vend on the coffee machine.
I've got picky, very picky.
Where I last worked you were lucky to get a cup of lukewarm water in a mug that looked as if it were being used to develop a wide range of toxic bacteria. Other places have involved a trek using porters and mules to get to the canteen that served a wide range of pies, chips, chips and pies with large mugs of strong tea. However now, if the fresh coffee isn't available for some reason, I'm there with the others grumbling about the decline in service standards and having to use the free vend.
We have barbecues. Two each year, with wine, beer and so on. All free. We have Christmas parties. Last year there were three. A team one (free), a departmental one (free) and another one for some reason (guess what, free). We got given a selection box each. This is with your money.
'My screen isn't big enough' I mentioned a while back. Within the hour I had a brand new 21" wide screen monitor as a replacement. What took them so long I want to know?
I get 34 days holiday a year. I think it goes up to 206 next year. That might not be true but it is going up by one day. I work flexitime, come in early, go home early, hour for lunch, 36 hour week, finish 3pm Friday.
What are you moaning about then I hear you tweet/text/email? I'd love to have that job, sounds a dream.
It isn't a dream it's a nightmare. I was happier working much longer hours for less holiday (though much more pay) where I was able to contribute to the business each day and, cliche though it is, make a difference. Now I sweep the streets I used to own. I have nothing to do of any value and I struggle to make it through the day. It is mind crushingly boring. I hate the web. It's the only thing I have for hours some days and, when I get home, the last thing I want to do is go on the web again.
And so it's coffee time. This is a pre-coffee coffee you understand. A sort of older persons pre-lash to help me make it through the day.
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